#151 Challenges! Fight VS Friction

When we face challenges, or even better, when we choose to challenge ourselves, when is friction enough? Or is it always enough? Or are there times when fight is needed? I don't know! But explore these questions.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

Welcome to the Lucidas Podcast where I explore everything because everything fascinates me. And I believe it's all connected. And I believe we have so much more potential within us than we're currently accessing. At least that's what's true for me. Um I'm getting over a little bit of a cold.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

And it's been interesting to actually have a cold. I don't get sick very often.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Um when I do, I remember how lousy it is. Um, but also I don't know that I've ever really been so present with a cold before, meaning I was I've it my experience of this cold was that I was very much aware of it through its stages. I I was aware very much of what my body was doing and was honestly just marveling, was just amazed at how like I could feel my body during the different stages, you know, the beginning stage where it's kind of achy, and then you start feeling like the chills and the fevers and just really feeling what my body was doing um to prevent this organism from taking over. And it was just it was fabulous. It was just truly I was just marveling. I was like, wow, my body is doing all of this, right? And I'm not telling my body what to do. You know, these are ancient, ancient systems put into place, and they know what to do. Now, here was the interesting thing is I realized at that point, you know, once you kind of have the cold, you can still do things to help yourself, right? But you have it in your body. There's a lot that you can't do. So I realized, oh, and my I there were there was a cold, there's lots of stuff going through, so tons of people getting sick. And man, I tell you what, some people really got knocked down by this. And I thought, well, I could I can tell it's a strong one, like this is whatever I've got is a big one. And it was in that moment that I realized, oh, all of the hard work pays off. Meaning, whatever kind of immune system I have created is the immune system that's gonna fight off this cold. I can't suddenly, I mean, it's fine if you mega dose on vitamin C, whatever, and I'm not saying that doesn't help. But for the most part, the immune system you've built is the one that's gonna fight off the cold that you have when you get it, right? So I was like, oh, this is where all the hard work pays off. Like the healthy eating and the exercising, and even I think meditation and um, you know, the and the eating of certain types of foods, which are really great for the immune system. The eating of foods that a lot of us don't eat so much anymore because then we smell, which is so funny. You know, onions are so fabulous, garlic is so fabulous. Like there's so many of these fabulous things that are great for our bodies, but we shy away from them because then our breath will smell or we will smell. Such a silly thing that we can only smell a certain way, which I'm not saying we should all smell like feces, I'm just saying it's not like a tragedy if your breath smells like onions or garlic. And of course, I have to say that because I eat these things. Anyway, and I was like, oh, like I could tell that my my immune system was working really, really hard. And I was so grateful that it was. I could also tell that it was doing well. There have been times when I could tell that whatever was going on, I really wasn't quite, I really wasn't prepared for, and that I was sort of losing the battle against a certain cold or whatever I had. And I was like, wow, I can tell my my immune system is working really, really hard, but it also is like strong. Like it kind of has the up, like it has the upper hand, and I know this is a tough virus that's going through. So it was as I, you know, the last few days as I kind of watched that and experienced, I should say, well, I it felt like I was watching it. I was experiencing it, but it kind of felt like I was watching it from the outside in, like I was watching or at least feeling what was happening inside my body. I tried to remind myself, well, and what I realized, I was like, oh, my immune system is a lot stronger than I thought it was, or then I knew. I hadn't really thought about it lately. But I was like, my immune system is a lot stronger than it has been, which is really nice because I've had um some years where I haven't been healthy. So that's really nice. But then I also started thinking, I didn't really know how strong I was until I got this cold. And I was like, or I should say I didn't know how strong my immune system was until I got this cold. And I thought, isn't that what they always say? Like, you don't know how strong you are, you know, until you face that thing. So then I started thinking about, oh, I wonder in what ways I'm stronger than I think I am. And the the reason that's interesting to me is because if I knew how strong I really was, I would probably do more things because I'd realize I could. And I'd be like, oh, you can go do that. You are strong enough to go do whatever that thing is that maybe I'm afraid of or I have doubts about or I'm worried about, or I'm not might not even think I can. Um so it and again, that comes back to why I do this podcast is exploring like where are those places where maybe we just don't know that we can do something. Maybe we don't believe we can do something, maybe we we know we haven't been able to do something, and now we can, but we don't even know that. So it's finding what I find as I'm moving into my new life is I'm finding those places where um stepping stones. That's how I like to say it. Stepping stones. And it's funny because I see stepping stones, um, like if you saw a pond and there were stones across through the water, like across the top. So the stones are obviously set upon some kind of pillar, but so it's almost like you're walking on water. Like, can I take the next step where it doesn't seem like it should be possible? But there is a stone just right, right at the level of the water, maybe just a you know, a millimeter under it. So it's a bit like you're doing the impossible. Like, can I do I have I built up the strength to take that next step? Can I take that next step? These stepping stones through water makes it seem what seems impossible is actually very possible. And so I'm sort of looking for those in my life. I did, I recently did um a 30-minute like little mini guitar concert by myself. It stressed me out to the max. I did okay. My audience was just the sweetest ever. It was just okay, but they were so kind and just so dear and loving, and that's why I did it. That's why I chose that one. But afterwards I realized I pushed myself too hard. Um that it wasn't it wasn't harmful, which is good. Like I didn't push myself so far that I harmed myself, but I wouldn't say it was beneficial, meaning I should not have tried to do so much so fast. And my teacher did warn me, he was like, hey, like this is big. Are you sure you want to do this? And then as I got closer, I realized I'm I'm not ready and it's too much, but I'm just was at the point I just realized then you're just gonna do sort of a shitty first draft. You know, you're just gonna do what you can do. So, but that was a good lesson for me. I realized, okay, um, you were like, you know, chin deep in water. So that really wasn't the best next step to take. Um, so okay, let's kind of reassess, you know, the ways I'm challenging myself. And it's a funny thing, I'm I tend to be really good at challenging myself. People are always like, wow, you're so courageous. I'm like, I'm not really courageous. Uh I'm terrified, and they're not always great ideas. Fortunately, I don't, you know, don't choose super harmful things. Um not that I haven't at times, but anyway, so I'm right now in my life, I'm looking for that fine line between uh testing that next step, like taking that next step. Um, but also trying to do it in ways where I used to think, so this is the belief system that I'm I'm I don't believe in anymore, um, but I've but I I pushed so hard to overcome it that now I am imbalanced in the other direction. The belief system I used to have is that I had to work, I had to work and fight for every little thing, and the harder I fought and the harder I tried, like the better it it would I would be. And then I realized I was exhausting myself and that that wasn't true. That a lot of times I didn't have to fight, like things just did happen, and I didn't have to always try super, super hard. That there was a way that it could um that things could have that I could be challenged in like less severe ways, maybe, so to speak. And so what I've done, what it did is I was like, oh, I don't have to work so hard, or I don't even know how to say it. But what I the what I what I'm trying to find now is I do believe there's a way where you have to you put in you do put in hard work, you do prepare, so to speak. Um, but it doesn't have to be a fight, and it doesn't have to be a war with myself or with life. Like that there are ways to move into challenges, into um new new areas of of success and growth that don't need to always don't need to have maybe the words that are coming are friction. I don't need to be ground down with a mortar and pestle, so to speak, or or I'm trying to think of a good analogy. It's I guess what I'm trying to get at is I don't have to be ground to dust. Like I could just be sanded, it's the best I can think of right now. So I'm trying to think those ways in my life where I can move forward into a new life. Um without, you know, with whatever resistance is necessary, whatever friction is necessary, with whatever hard work is necessary. But without all of the the fight and the suffering and the when I think, and I'll try to use this guitar analogy again, when I was preparing for it and I realized I wasn't prepared, it was like it was too much. Um I I wished at the time that what I realized in that moment was that I was so it was almost like I was doing it out of desperation, like to prove to myself that I could, to prove to other people that I could, to prove that I could live again. Um so much of what I'm trying to do right now is is learning to live again, building an a new life. And it was like I needed to prove something to myself, to other people, to the world, to whatever. And that had that was a friction I didn't need.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

That was not a healthy friction.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

So for me, when I think of a healthy friction, um I was gonna say it comes from the inside, but not always, because I was thinking of my guitar teacher, and there are times when he sort of he applies friction, like I want you to learn this, I want you to do this, and it's uncomfortable. Um, but I I've he's such a great teacher, and I've been learning from him for so long that I trust him. So when he does that, I'm like, okay, like just I don't think I can do this. I'm like, well, try. Like he's asking. He wouldn't ask if he didn't think you could, so try. So I wouldn't say healthy friction always has to come from the inside. Um, and obviously it doesn't always because I was the one that applied the unhealthy friction of like trying to prove myself with my guitar. Like nobody did that but me. So healthy friction doesn't necessarily, it's not really from where or whence it comes.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Um I guess it's I wonder if it's if it has something I don't really know.

SPEAKER_01 13:43

I'm trying to actually, I'm really trying to fill this out.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

It's almost like the that how that how and when and where it's being applied that the resistance that whatever's there, that that resistance. I'm literally thinking like of a physical object that has like a let's take a fingernail.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

You know, you have a fingernail and it like has a chip in it. So the best thing to do is to, you know, file that, you know, sand it down so it's smooth, otherwise it's just gonna catch on everything and crack further and whatnot. So I'm thinking of you know, healthy that healthy friction in life is it's like wearing down that place that's not serving you well anymore. Maybe maybe never never did. But then I'm asking myself, well, how do you know? Like, how do you know I think it brings me back to that quote that I've had in my head a lot lately, which is Tomas Transstromer, Transtromer, which I've said a million times. I walk slowly into myself through a forest of empty suits of armor. There's so much armor that I've needed in my life that I no longer need, but I'm not sure what I don't need anymore. And so I honestly think the answer is trial and error. I d I think so much of life is just experience because what works at one time in your life doesn't work in another what's true in one situation isn't true in another, and what's true with one person isn't true with another. And I think you just it's just through experience that we really understand anything about ourselves and others, which is interesting because my new therapist, we've only had a couple of appointments, but I realized that we've we've gotten off on on the wrong foot. Um and I hadn't realized it until after the next one, and I was like, oh, okay, I I need to totally I need to go in and stand on my foot, so to speak, which is my whole way of learning, and I've always known this. I think I remember when I was very young, I was still living in this tiny town, and my mom brought home this this learning, I don't remember what it was. Anyway, it taught it told you how you learned best, and it was kinesthetic, auditory, and visual. And my kinesthetic was insane. Like the way I like kinesthetically learn, like it was just absurd. These you would, I was blindfolded, and I would feel these different shapes, and I had to remember them in order. And like just I knew everything. I mean, I was just insane. And then um visual was pretty high, and then auditory was just like I don't, I don't know. I don't know if it was low, but it wasn't like the other two, um, which is interesting because I really struggle communicating, right? It's like auditory, like you're speaking to me, and I'm like, could you write that down or could you like pantomime it for me? I understand it a lot better because my auditory learning is just pretty low. Anyway, kinesthetic. I kinesthetically, I am just a kinesthetic being. I learn through my body with my body as my body, the experience of my body. And so far with my therapist, it's been all these really heady spiritual, sorry, these heady conversations. When I left the last one, I was just kind of frustrated. I was like, I just don't even know, like, what are we doing? And I thought, not once have we done the most important thing, which is check in with my body. So it's interesting. I thought, okay, I need to go in and start over. And I'm literally the next one, um, which is tomorrow. I'm gonna say, okay, I would like to start over. Um, and I'm just gonna close my eyes and I'm gonna check in with my body, which is what I always do uh when I go to therapy, and and just say whatever my body needs to say about what's gonna work in this environment, what doesn't work, um, you know, what my experience has been so far, um, and really ground it back down into the reality of my body, my lived experience, the wisdom of my body. I mean, I for me, um my mind is very powerful. I don't discount it, but I feel like more and more my body is like the vessel of learning for me. Um which is so weird because I do know the power of the mind. So anyway, that's how it is anyway, right now for me. Um so speaking of you know, under finding those places where you can challenge yourself in healthy ways.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

I think it just I mean there's there's no there's no answer.

SPEAKER_01 19:36

There's no answer because I'm realizing there are times when I have done things that I have 1000% not wanted to do, and it was it was okay. It's just fine, it was a huge challenge. It was it wasn't even that bad. It wasn't even that bad. And I did fine. It was I was like, okay, well that's done. Alright, I guess I can do that, and I can do it with ease, and who knew? So the resistance was so great, and it just wasn't even an issue. Then there's other times where I've you know, the guitar, I really thought I could do it and do it well, and I couldn't. And I was like, oh, I I really thought I could do this, and I thought I would do it well, and I didn't and I couldn't. So this was just a check-in because right now I feel like I'm in a no man's land. I feel like I'm in no man's land. Um, you know, I started this year with a lot of not like the year's not gone. I mean it's March. It's not like it's not like the year's over, but you know, I just really having a new year, no trial, like I was like, okay, I'm going to set out and build this new life and da-da-da-da-da. And not that I haven't, I've seen a lot of improvement and growth in a lot of areas. Um, but then I've also begun to see that I'm some of the old habits. I'm pushing too hard, I'm trying too hard, I'm I'm fighting more than there's a word, fight more than friction. I feel like I've had too much fight, like I'm fighting super hard inside, as opposed to just allowing the natural friction of life to sort of wear away the sharp or the unnecessary things. That's I think that's what I've been trying to get at. So I'm gonna say it again. Um, less fight, more friction. So, what I've seen in my life, and I think it's honestly why I may have gotten this cold, is because I've been really fighting inside. Like, come on, like we're gonna do this, we're gonna make these changes, we're gonna build this new life, we're gonna uh none of that is wrong. None of that is wrong. But some of the energy of it was wrong, some of the energy of it was wrong. And that energy was fight. It was like I was fighting, um, as opposed to sort of just allowing the friction of life to do what it needs to do, because I think life is has plenty of friction in it. Um so, and that's interesting. As I say that, I think I'm not even sure I know how to do that, how to just how to move into places where there's friction and allow the friction to do its work, and then you move and and then and then you just slip into the next space, right? Because once it's smooth, there's no friction, and so you're moving to the next space, and then there will be friction, and you allow that friction to do its thing, and then you're moving into a next space, and there's friction, and so I would like to for me that sounds more like what life can be and probably is that there's friction in life, um, and but you don't have to add fight to it, so to speak. At least I don't feel like I need to. Maybe sometimes, well, I shouldn't say that. There's definitely times when you gotta fight. Um most of the time, most situations I would say you don't.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

So um, I'm talking about those situations. Yeah. So for now, um you are probably stronger than you think you are in many ways.

SPEAKER_01 23:36

In many ways. So maybe start taking small little challenges and see see how far you can walk out on that water. How far do those stepping stones go out in the water? Um, and notice if as you do so, where there's friction, right? And allow that friction, uh learn from it, grow from it, whatever. Um, and notice when there's fight. And I'm not gonna say that there shouldn't be. There's absolutely times for it. So, but maybe the question is do I need to fight this? Is this where I should fight? Or should I maybe be a little more patient and allow friction to do its the natural friction of life to do its job?

SPEAKER_00 24:23

So fight versus friction. Yeah, and let's see, let's see what comes next.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

And I hope you're all. I know you're not everyone is a kinesthetic learner. Many very wonderful visual and auditory learners. My son is like the most fabulous auditory learner ever. You tell him anything, and he will never forget it. And but whatever it is, I do hope you're taking care of your body. Um, I do think, I do think because I'm a kinesthetic learner that I am just so insanely attuned with my body, it's somewhat annoying. But for those that aren't kinesthetic learners, they may be not as attuned. But do remember however you learn, you do need your body to be healthy. So take care of your body. And don't be afraid to eat healthy foods, even if your breath smells when you're done. And take care of all of you.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Bye bye.